On the left is my foot a month after reinjury. Its swollen, as you can see, and creased since its at an angle. I made a journey to the orthopedist, a Dr. Womack, who seems excellent. I have two torn ligaments on the right side of my ankle--in fact they're the ligaments that run downward in a "Y". I have several severly stretched ligaments as well, some torn tendons, a gap in between some bones, and a bit of fluid trapped.
So how do we fix this? He gave me two options since I've developed a "trick" ankle. I could keep wearing a brace and hope it gets better, or I could have surgery on it. So, Thursday, I'm having reconstructive surgery on my ankle, which is an outpatient procedure.
I should probably state that I'm nervous. I've had oral surgery to remove my wisdom teeth as well as emergency surgery to stop bleeding. In the latter surgery, I was almost dead and kept losing consciousness so I made a mark on the paper without reading it.
However, Monday at the appointment, I read it. Death, clots, and amputation were mentioned along with infection. It made me a tad nervous. But today, the hospital called for pre-op information. It made me really nervous to discuss whether or not I needed a chaplain, had a living will, whether or not I had a do not resuscitate order, and all sorts of fun things. And I realized, the truth is that I'm really scared about this. What if I'm the one in the million case where the anesthesia is wrong and I'm paralyzed but can feel everything? What happens if I have a random clot? Or something forces them to amputate? Or I die?
Such thoughts are really scary for me to think about. And like I said, I've never experienced scheduled surgery. And I have to admit to being a baby and not wanting the pain to be worse than it is now as well as not wanting another scar. But I know I have to suck it up and do it. And to make matters worse, I suddenly have a random cold/sinus infection that I have to shed in a few days or else surgery is postponed.
So that's it in a nutshell. Wish me luck!